I have quite a lot of dreams, quite vivid dreams. When I was a teenager, I started having dreams where I was being chased. I even once dreamt I got shot in the face. I was about to get onto the tube, and I think it was a ticket inspector chasing me. And then I woke up and, and there was something pressing on my face. As I've done a lot of personal work, those dreams have diminished.

I started having these dreams where I realized I was with other people, in a public place or whatever, and they were not wearing masks, and I was not wearing a mask. And suddenly I was like, “Oh, where is my mask?” And at some point I would wake up or I would put on a mask in the dream. These went on for a while. It's like I programmed my mind to remember the mask. It does that, even in the dreams.

And then quite recently, I had a dream where I was in a public place with lots of people and nobody was wearing a mask, and I didn't even and think of it. So, it kind of stopped. Afterwards I realized, “Oh, I didn't even worry about the mask.”

There is something else as well. I had a dream where I wanted to hug. And that happens in real life. You know, I go for a walk with a friend sometimes in the Hamstead Heath and we normally would hug, but we don't, we distance, because, well, COVID. In the dream, I had a similar thing where I wanted to hug somebody, or somebody wanted to hug. There was this guy that was interested in me, and he wanted to hug me, and I was like, “I really want to hug you, but no.” And then I finally allowed him to hug me from behind. Even in the dreams, I can't allow myself to do that. All this programming, it just continues in the dream life. It's very interesting. I obviously want to follow the rules very strictly somewhere.

I don't think that the government has done enough to solve the problem. But anyway, I'm obviously on autopilot and I'm just wondering how much in my waking life, I'm also an autopilot like that. I know I'm very good at programming myself, you know, like, “If this happens, I need to do that.”

I do remember the anxiety; I feel it when I wake up or whatever. And also, a kind of annoyance with myself because it's only a bloody dream. It feels like somehow, some part of me is following this programming so closely that it's unable to let go. Like, the letting go would also cause anxiety, or something like that.