I was born here in Toronto, raised in the Midlands, Penetanguishene area. Moved back to Toronto when I was 21. And I've been here since. I’m status Ojibwe and Cree.

My sleeping conditions vary. Sometimes I won't sleep at all. Sometimes I'll sleep one or two hours. Sometimes I'll just lay in bed and just close my eyes, and I guess just rest my brain. And sometimes I'll go weeks or months sleeping every night. It all depends on my stress level, what's going on in my life, what's going on with my family, my children. It all depends on what I'm going through.

For the most part, when I wake up, I'll forget my dreams within a few minutes. But what I do remember of my dreams, it's mostly about my children. Usually negative, 'cause I worry a lot about their wellbeing, about, I don't know, like questions that they're gonna have when they become adults.

Their mother just overdosed about a year ago. In August, it'll be a year. And yeah, so I'm just kind of like, worried. They're in the care of CAS [Children’s Aid Society] right now, so I'm just worried about them. Since their mother died, it, I guess it's gotten worse. Um, actually, no, I guess it's kind of gotten better because when they were in the care of their mother, I worried more about them. And now that they're in the care of CAS, in some way, it gave me, um, what do you want to call it? Like, a bit of relief, knowing that they're somewhat safe.

Being in and out of CAS when I was a kid, going home for visits and stuff like that, I always thought, like nothing ever changed at home. So, me going back to the group homes or foster homes or whatever, I guess I was happy or whatever. Like, content with being in their care, just going to school and everything like that. And I did better at school and stuff like that when I was in the foster homes and group homes.

I lost custody of my kids 14 years ago. Once I became a parent, I was over that whole partying thing, and I just wanted to be a father. I got a job, you know, when we moved here. And I just cared about being a parent. I didn't care about drinking or anything like that. [The kids’ mom] ended up ending our relationship and moving back to Sudbury. There were times where she tried to apologize and, you know, tried to work things out. But the way things ended—with her getting custody—they basically turned their back on me. That's when my drug addiction—first it started with alcohol—and then my drug addiction started. That was going on 15 years.

But before then, my dreams were good. You know, I dreamt about the future, and I mean, how good I wanted my kids' life to be and, you know what I mean? [Now, I dream about] them feeling like they were to blame for what happened. I don't know. In my dream, I know I feel hurt, but I just feel like… I don't know how to explain it without making their mom look bad. I don't hate anybody in this entire world, but the way me and her ended… I want [my kids] to remember their mom as [good], you know? I don't want to be one to talk shit about her, so to speak, you know?

My mom was basically an alcoholic. I basically left home when I was 13. Basically, I watched my mom drink for the first 13 years of my life, like a case or two of beer every day, right? I remember once I hit 12 and I started going to Young Offenders [custody], I remember when it came time for my release date, I remember feeling sad, like bummed out, “Oh no, I'm going home soon.” Feeling upset, you know what I mean? Like, I wanted to stay there because a lot of the places are better than home. You know, the food's better, you’re not starving, you don’t have to watch people get drunk and fighting going on. So, when I would get out, I basically just kind of like run away and just go on a little crime spree, so to speak, and go back to jail.

And it's a shitty thing for a young person to think of, I mean, to basically want to go back into custody, just 'cause the life at home is so shit that, you know, you'd rather be around people your own age. You know, most of the places are co-ed and everything and, you know, they give you an allowance, and they bring you to the YMCA and the movies, you know what I mean? And everything changed once I hit 18 and started going to adult jail.

[Moss Park] is a place where I can come and talk to the staff. I get along with them on a friendly basis. It’s pretty much the only place where I can come and talk personally and let them know what's happening. I feel safe being here.