Kavita

I was born in London. Been living here pretty much all my life. Since last year in May, I have been part of a social dreaming group. We just meet each week and we discuss our dreams. It's a very open-ended group, so you can just bring in whatever you want.

I've been someone that has always had dreams. I've often had multiple dreams in the night. I noticed that when I wake up, I know I've had, on an average day, probably two to three dreams. So sometimes I've had four dreams. They're not linked. They're just different dreams. It's almost like a film. Like one has ended then the other one will begin. And in the morning, I'm able to just go back and remember all the different dreams I've had.

Before this dream group that I started last year, I've never really written my dreams down. I somehow tend to just remember them, but there will be some dreams which I really want to hang on to, and I want to remember the finer details, so I will write those dreams down. But I tend to just ponder over them. I do tend to think about what impact this has on my life. Like, “What does this mean for me? Why am I having such a dream?” I'll often find myself searching some things if I've had a random dream. Or I'll be like, “What does this mean?” I do tend to be quite active with my dreams, like, thinking about why I've had them. What does this mean now? Is it a sign?

I don't know if this is because I'm paying more attention to them or something, but I've noticed they've become more vivid. Our online dream group – it's all online. We've never met face-to-face. But recently I had a dream where we were going there to meet face to face. I don't know if this was a thing in me that wants to get out of this whole lockdown restrictions, to get out into reality. It was almost like, in my dream world, I was living out how it would be to actually meet in real life.

I've noticed that with my group, for example, we've had often very similar dreams. I've had dreams where there's a really big risk to me in the dream. And it's kind of linked in with the virus. Like there's a risk going on, there's something I'm running away from. Some sort of threat. A lot of war dreams. That's, what's been coming up: a lot of dreams from the past, like war dreams. Because for us this whole pandemic—well, for me—I've experienced it as being something extremely unpredictable. Never imagined this would ever happen. It just seems out of the ordinary.

I actually have had a lot of dreams about concentration camps and things like from the past. I dunno why those dreams have been coming up. A lot of dreams about survival. I had a dream once where I was really struggling to survive. And I had to really think on my feet, “How am I gonna survive this?” And it kind of linked in with this situation, with the whole pandemic. We are trying to survive the pandemic here. We're thinking about rationing. We haven't heard these terms in years and years. And now we're talking about rationing again, and we're talking about long queques.

I had a dream which I really remember really, really well. I'm not in the dream. I'm basically the observer in my dream. I'm almost hovering, like almost like a bird's-eye view. I'm in a church it's a really beautiful church. A really, really beautiful church. And in front of me, I'm seeing a few people coming into the church. It seems like it's basically a ceremony for someone's funeral. And the body is right at the front of the church in a coffin. This gentleman is of Black origin. I know in the dream that this person has been very well respected, and people are really devastated that he has gone, that he's passed away. He's in this coffin and people are coming in and sharing their respects. And I'm just hovering over and I'm watching people coming in and out.

And then I step out of this church. As I step out of this church, I enter this amazing, beautiful park. I'm aware that it's in London. It almost reminds me of Regent’s Park. Not sure if it is, but it's really beautiful. I come out and, on my left, I see these beautiful trees. I see people having picnics sitting outside. It's just so beautiful. The weather is absolutely amazing.

And on my right, I see a gate. It's almost like a mini graveyard, but not a graveyard. It's basically like a remembrance [space] and they're paying respect to people that have passed away. I'm going through them and I'm seeing who is there. I notice one from my own religion, which is Hindu. I see a God that I actually believe in, and I pay my respects, and I think, “Wow, this is amazing. I've managed to get some blessings here.”

Then I walk on, and I see Princess Diana. It's almost like she's kind of there in the picture. The picture seems so alive. Like she's smiling in the picture, but it's almost like she's smiling at me. And I just stand there and think, “Wow, how amazing is this?” I'm just like, wow, blown away. Then I keep walking on, and I see a few others. I can't remember though who they were, but I'm literally just strolling through this park, strolling through this park. I come across a bench and I see a small little cute dog. It's playing around. I see Princess Diana sitting on a bench, and she's just playing with the dog, and I'm just watching her. She can't see me, but I'm just watching her and she's just so happy. She just seems so happy. And then I wake up.

When I woke up, I felt very good. I don’t know what it was. I felt very good, even though it was some sad stuff going on in the dream. That's why I think I was feeling a bit conflicted. I was feeling initially a bit guilty thinking, “Wait, I've just seen someone's funeral and why am I?” But there was something about this park that was making me feel satisfied. And I think that's why this dream has stayed with me. And just being able to see a God that I really believe in, I think that was almost like a blessing. And then seeing Princess Diana that I’ve always looked up to. I think that's why this dream has really stayed with me.

Reflecting upon it, my take home message from this dream was about how short and precious life is. Because I saw a lot of death. I was thinking about it myself, like, you know, “How am I going to be remembered? How will I be remembered in this world? What am I doing here? What is my purpose? Am I even meeting my purpose here? Is there something I need to change in my life? Do I need to live more happily? What is it that I need to do?” Because just seeing Princess Diana there, smiling and happy with her dog. That was all she needed. Just some lovely parks, some flowers and she was happy. And I thought, “Wow, it's the little things in life, but [they are] the most important things.” I think, for me, that’s what it was about.

[I dreamt this] definitely during the lockdown. I can't remember very clearly in my head, but it was definitely last year. I wish that park was real and existed, and I could go there, just because it had something so peaceful about it. I dunno what it was, but it was very peaceful. It was a very fresh spring day. Really summery, but it wasn't too hot. It wasn't too cold. It was just the perfect weather.

I've noticed—I hate using this word because I feel like it can have so many different connotations and there is a lot of skepticism around this term—but I think I am quite a free spirit. That's the word I would like to use, instead of spirituality, even though it shouldn't be a negative thing. I've always been quite spiritual in that sense, like, free-spirited, and quite open-minded with how I believe in things. And I'm trying to learn more about my dream states and different experiences that I've had. And basically, try to experience even more things. I'd love to experience more lucid dreaming. And to work on certain issues in my life through my dreams.

I used to have this horrible reoccurring dream where I would have to go through a very confined space. It was awful. It was really awful. Even in the dream, I knew I was dreaming, but I yet still couldn't go through this confined space. And it was this long tube. It was horrible. And I remember thinking, I know I need to get through it to get to the other side. I knew it, but I just had to always go through it. And then, I would feel so much better once I was on the other side. But it recurred so many times. That hasn't happened in a while.

This was happening before the pandemic. I have extreme claustrophobia on trains, especially underground trains. And so, in some ways, this pandemic has actually had some blessings for me, in the sense that there's a lot of things I can do online now, and I don't have to travel so much. I hate being in a closed space basically. So, I think that's what the dream was to do with, because I have this extreme fear of confined spaces. It was the same exact feeling in the dream as in real life. I don’t know if that was a way for me to kind of practice something or try and work on this particular thing and to remind me that I do get on the other side eventually. That was something I took on in my real life, that [sense of] “Don't worry, I'll get to the other side. I will get to the next station or to the next platform.”

I'm still learning and I'm still trying to explore what it is, but I think from my current understanding, and maybe my experience, I feel like dreams are a window to our soul [laughs]. Which I know sounds a bit, but I really do feel that. I honestly do. I feel some dreams are definitely trying to get into our unconscious [and] it's trying to bring that to the surface. I honestly do believe that they have messages for us. They have some sort of meaning to us.

But I like to play around with dreams. I like to also believe that we can change outcomes in dreams. So, for example, if we do have a very anxiety provoking dream, a technique that I've been doing, which we've learned in dream group, is to change the ending. Change it to what you would like it to be. I just feel that, yes, you do have dreams, but you know, you also have control in your waking life.

With the whole spirituality thing, I have had quite a few different spiritual experiences. One experience, which was extremely scary, but it was interesting, was an out-of-body experience. Looking back down at your body. It was just really weird. My father had recently passed away then. And I remember, I came out of my body, I went out of my room and down the stairs. I see my dad standing there and it was really scary experience. And he was literally dressed in his young self, in his healthy form. When he passed way, he was overweight, he was very unhealthy. It was almost like he's showing me “I'm all right. I'm well. Don't worry.” And he was wearing one of his favorite jackets, which is really weird. And I think I got scared or something, but the next thing I remember is I wake up. I felt a jolt in my body. It was really weird, but I think the reason why I'm very guarded about talking about these things sometimes is because people can be quite skeptical and they might not believe me. So, I think sometimes I just keep that quite guarded.