My sleeping conditions could be better. I could probably get more sleep. I battle with addiction, you know? But I try to stay as safe as I possibly can. A lot of places where I am I can't sleep because I don't know if I'm gonna robbed or touched or… yeah. [It’s been like this] since I relapsed about eight or nine years ago. I used to have, you know, I had my own apartment. Just [this] past October is when we lost it, so. Yeah. So, I'm not saying my sleeping conditions were much better, but I mean, at least I had my own [space].

I do dream quite a bit actually. And I remember a lot, but sometimes I don't. I don't really like to dream because my dreams aren't the best, I guess. I don't know if you've ever heard of a recurring dream? There's one I still have since I was a kid. And it's not pleasant. I'm a kid, like, I'm probably maybe roughly six, seven, maybe even eight or whatever [in the dream]. And I'm on my BMX and I'm riding—well, I'm from Nova Scotia, Cape Breton, like I'm from the country—so, I'm driving down this dirt hill, like in the woods, you know what I mean? It's in the bush. So, I'm riding down this hill and it turns out to be a big frenzy of snakes. [A] frenzied ball of snakes. And I'm petrified of snakes, so I wake up in a cold sweat, and it's not my first time having this dream, but I always wake up the same way. Like I've even peed myself having this dream.

Or there's another one. I don't know if you've ever heard, like, there's a man chasing me and no matter what I do, I can't run fast enough and I wake, and I'm asthmatic and I'm waking up and I'm catching my breath. Or I've fallen off a cliff. I wake up before I hit bottom or whatever. They say if you hit bottom, you're dead. Is that true?

I had one [dream] that really scared me though. I don't wanna sound a little off the wall, but I mean, I was living at the Bond hotel at the time. A lot of deaths happened there. They don't claim they have, but they have. Like, I don't know if they died on route to the hospital or whatever. They didn't claim them there, but they did happen there as far as I'm concerned. Because when I moved in there, they said there was 75 [deaths]. The time I was there, there had to be over 200. And they're still only, they're still only saying maybe not even 30 or whatever. Like, I'm thinking, “How is this possible?”

But what happened was, I was in bed one time, and like I said, with all these deaths that happened there, you can really feel the heebie-jeebies in there, if you know what I'm saying. And okay, I don't know how far you are when it comes to ghosts or stuff. I don't know how far I am when it gets to that as well. I do believe I have a guardian angel, one or two, like, maybe my grandma and my dad. But what happened is I could've sworn I was awake, but there was this person on top of me, like sitting on my chest and they wouldn't get off. Like, they wouldn't get off. I'm petrified. The only way I can describe this being, I could see eyes, but not a clear face. And he had on, like, one of those black capes you’d see in [the movie] Scream. Or the grim reaper! The grim reaper is a perfect way to describe it. And I'm there in my bed and, 'cause I have wellness checks and everything, and I’m like, [whispering] “Help, help!” And then I finally get it out: “HELP!” Then this thing gets up off, like, I was awake. I know I was awake. Like, have you ever heard of anything like this before? Am I sounding a little off the wall?

I asked somebody else about this, and they said, there was something trying to get inside me, and I don't know how far I want to go into believing about this stuff because the more you believe, the more it could happen, right? And that's where I stand with that. Like, I don't know if I'm on the right page, but I mean… [I have questions] but I’m afraid of the answers. Is that a good way of putting it?

I think something was trying to take over me and it wasn't... it wasn't friendly. I think something evil was trying to get inside me and use my body. I don't know how far I wanna go with that, but I mean... [This was] roughly six or seven years ago. And yes, I use drugs and everything and a lot of people would say, “yeah, she’s crazy.” And yeah, I’d been using down [fentanyl] and whatnot. I used down and crack. Not crystal meth or anything like that. I wasn't depressed or anything, just went home to bed and that's, that's how I woke. Like, it felt like this thing was trying to choke me. I don't know if they were, I don't know what they were trying to do because I kind of seen like a puff of smoke. I don't know. Like, I'm questioning, I'm questioning what I actually see, but I know the only way to describe it, the grim reaper. I don't know. Some people say there’s such thing as shadow walkers. Being a user doesn't make me that credible. But I know what I’ve seen. I told the staff [at the Bond Hotel] but they tried to make it look like, “Oh, she was using, she don’t know what she’s talking about.” They were saying there were ODs and a lot of the ODs were questionable. And at that point, living there, I tried not to make it my business. I didn't want to know. It wasn't something to talk about around there.

One other time I woke up and I could have sworn there was somebody touching me. But there was nobody there. I don’t know. I don't know what to make of it, to be honest with you. Sometimes when it gets to that evil part it scares me. I don't know if there's such thing as possession and stuff like this, so I don't... you know what I mean? I don't know if I wanna know the answer.

Another thing too, I'll be straight up, there was just that this one thing that really freaked me out. What happened was, yes, it was just after using. I just shot a fentanyl. But I was okay, like, I mean, I wasn't to the point where I can’t go off and do my day. Yeah. I was a little high, but I mean, I could function. My bed post, it was like that old wooden, like, it was actually very nice, the detail to it. But there was this thing, and it was wrapped around it. I looked at it a couple times and the thing blinked at me. I didn't know what… I called it a rat snake or something, but it looked kind of furry. But when it can wrap around, what is that? An entity? Something was telling me that that's what it could have been. I went running out the door. I didn't know what that was.

And then I started thinking possum? and stuff like that. And then for the longest, for months, people started thinking I was crazy. I was seeing things when I was high. And this guy on the fifth floor boarded up all the bottom of his bed. He said “There's something like a rat snake down there.” I wasn't the only one that seen that!

Now with all these deaths that happened there, do you think that could be part of it? I'd say there's something evil there or there's something... like, I know someone got thrown down the staircase there. Like, there's something there with some unfinished business. Literally, I feel bad spirits there. There’s definitely bad spirits there. Or people with unfinished business. Somebody’s angry.

Oh my God, I love [Moss Park]. It gets me out of the cold. Hot meal sometimes. Get to eat, chill for a while, use the washroom. Like, sometimes when we're out there, like we don't necessarily have access to a shower. So even if it's just like a bird bath, kind of, like, it helps. It helps a lot. And it's safe for me to use my drugs, especially if they're new drugs that I haven't used before. I don't have to worry about ODing. Like, there's somebody here, you know what I mean? I'm watched and it's safe.

I'm glad I haven't had this dream again. I hope talking about it doesn't bring it back.

Sometimes I think the unknown should stay unknown. Because the more… they say, curiosity killed the cat, right? It's good to be curious, don't get me wrong. But you've gotta know a balance to it. Because that curiosity, like I said, it could be a demise as well. Like it's… especially if there's a trickster behind it too, right? I dunno. My mind just goes.