I am a shy person and sometimes try to fight my inner self. I don’t know how to explain it.

In my mind, I think something, for instance, I want to jump, to run, to yell, but then, I look at people and I start feeling shy. I wonder, “What would people think if I do this or that?” Do you understand me? At the beginning [of my time in the booth], I remained silent, and I closed my eyes, because I didn’t know what to say. Then lots of thoughts crossed my mind, all related to the reasons for being here. I tried to speak, but it didn’t work, because every time I tried, I got tongue-tied.

I came here to learn the language, to meet with my mother again, and, also, with new goals. In Colombia, I have everything, so to speak, I have my uncles and aunts, I have my adoptive parents, and my step siblings. There I had everything. I came here to meet my biological mother again. Switzerland is very beautiful, but it was a very drastic change for me. I came here two months ago, and I enrolled in a French class. My problem is that, even if I understand and learn everything, I don’t know how to put things into practice, do you understand me?

There is always something stopping me. My mom says that it’s a matter of confidence. But I don’t know if it’s about confidence. Anyway, every time I want to say something, I find it complicated. That’s why I sometimes shut down. There is something inside myself that doesn’t allow me to…

I feel that my dreams haven’t come true, and I think that I am changing the direction of my actions. My dream was, since I was a child, to be a singer, to be an actress, to be the best in sports. But since I was young, my adoptive mother used to tell me, “Don’t go to acting classes, because that will be useless,” “Don’t become a singer, because that’s also going to be useless,” “your priorities should be school and university.” And she always told me the same: “School is the most important thing; study a bachelor.”

I wanted to go to Hollywood, I mean, I wanted to be the best actress, like the famous Sofía Vergara. She is my idol because she did achieve her dream, so to speak. She went to Hollywood. She performed with famous people. I wanted to do the same, but my mother always told me, “Study, study; if you became an actress, what would happen if you don’t get a job?” “What would happen if you don’t get a new offer and you have no money to support yourself?”

For me, Switzerland is a big country, despite being physically small. It is big because it’s another world for me. For me, coming here was a drastic change. Nobody obliged me to come, and it wasn’t my only option, but sometimes it’s necessary to make sacrifices in order to grow and to be content with yourself.

During those five minutes I thought about my dreams. For instance, currently my dream is to become a YouTuber. I know it’s crazy, isn’t it? I like to make videos in Instagram or YouTube, but I never publish them, because I think, “Why publish them?” So, I delete them. I never open myself to others. Do you understand me?

During those five minutes I was imagining how to create a video: to have a camera, lights, microphones to record. But my problem is that I have a personal block, that impedes me to upload my work. Do you understand me? I don’t know why. Anyhow, besides my unsuccessful dreams, I have a goal: I want to study, to work, and to help my mother. I studied criminology and I would like to keep studying a speciality in my field, here, at the university, do you know what I mean? So, on the one hand, there are my unsuccessful dreams and that stresses me out, and on the other hand, there are my goals, and they are 100% clear.

I have talked to a counsellor (because my stepmother is a counsellor), and she has told me, “Leave the past behind, don’t become bitter because you couldn’t make your dreams come true. Focus on your goals.”

Those five minutes gave me the opportunity to think, to realize that there is a difference between my unrealized dreams and my goals. They are two very different things, and if you want to become someone in life and if I want to help others out, I must start by helping myself out.